The loss...that I feel sometimes!

Sounds like an emotional topic! Well, it is. And as emotional as it sounds, I'm at a total loss; the loss of my life's significance...the loss of patience...the loss of right words for the right moment...the loss of control that I usually used to have...the loss of everything. Apparently, it's not leading me anywhere but to darkness. Darkness, where I can't find myself...where I'm losing myself more and more everytime I try to step up...where I've nobody to turn to. And as pathetic as it sounds, it's true. But all I can do is sit quietly and wait for it to go.

But the thing that I don't realize until now is that I've been doing it all wrong. I'm waiting for the darkness to go away; when it's just the absence of light. I'm sad and at loss because I don't have something significant that brightens up my day; or maybe that's what I believe. Maybe I do have that significant thing in my life but I'm looking for more. But am I not supposed to look for more? Because what I do know is that we should always try to make something of our life, our relationships, or friendships, et al. Easier said then done! Had it been so, I woudn't have been feeling this grief-stricken.

As a matter of fact, I can't even negate the one true fact i.e. After winter, must come spring. At least I'm this optimistic. Meanwhile I've been doing a little bit of thinking lately. Because you know when you're sad, you think about life like you've never thought before. And that somehow made me reach to some conclusions in my life. These conclusions vary from the friendship to the relationship that I share with the people around me to the goals that I set for myself.

Starting with the friendship, I think I've already written about it here at some length before. But the stuff that I realized this time around is a bit different. Here I'm talking about drawing a conclusion; and I pretty much succeeded in that. So going by the definition that says A friend is someone who's always available for you through thick and thin, I would say I'm blessed to have two really good friends. They have been there for me always and I was never at the loss of words while discussing life with them. And trust me, I did thorough testing. ;)

Coming down to relationships that I share with people around me, it came out to be a little disappointing. I studied people around me and drew the conclusion that I'm mostly unwanted or undesired. I would have used the term 'social pariah' but I would leave it for my self-loathing self that is not keen to show up as of now. Next time, maybe! 

Goals that I've set for myself! Trust me, I've set a thousand of them; some changes every now and then and some stays waiting to be accomplished. But dang, no luck as of now. I'm not at a loss of how to go about it; the only thing that's missing here is the dedication. Maybe over the time!

While I'm not fully able to comprehend the reason behind all this thinking, I sure understand what it feels like to find significance in the wrong things. For that matter, this piece has been like a guide for me throughout this time of loss. And yes, LOVELARS, I do understand the feeling when you ask 'Have you ever had those moments where you find yourself getting upset with yourself for getting upset?' Yes, I've been having those moments lately and all I can feel is 'loss'.

 Hoping it would soon go away!


 Until then,
 G 

Eternal Friendship

One thing that is certain and defines all relationship is ‘friendship’. Believe it or not- it does act as the center of universe and rules our lives. Be it any relationship, it never fails to play its role. And one thing that I am absolutely sure of is that without friendship you’re definitely missing out something on your relationship or may be it is just left for the namesake. While all these thinking and logic make the concept of ‘friendship’ totally worth having, there is one thing that I’m totally uncertain of and that is ‘Eternal Friendship’.

I personally know many a people who claim to be ‘Best Friends Forever’ but I’m really not convinced- to the extent that it’s just another category for me. That’s why I avoided using the title ‘Best Friends Forever’ for this post…because I’m talking about the eternal friend here- the one that is for life and sticks around with you through thick and thin. The one who thinks the world of you and whom you can call anytime you need. The one who takes care of your special moments and is always there for you without fail. Sounds utopic, indeed! Personally I've never found that one true friend who has always been by my side. Over the time I made some great friends whom I would put under the BFF category but ‘eternal friendship’…what’s that!? I’m still alien to this category.

Or is it just the philosophy or the utopic concept that we have framed which constantly leads us to work up to the next level? Though I sincerely doubt that, here I’m stealthily hoping to find that one true friend one fine day. Isn't that what we all hope for!?

And as further and further I think about the whole thing, I think maybe it’s the one person that becomes your happily-ever-after. Makes a lot of sense here! Because you can be sure as hell that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that person whom the world calls your soul-mate. But what if you end up with a total wrong person!? And believe me the odds of this happening is fairly high. This again pushes me to avoid having another think coming and to really think things through.

So where do we find this ‘eternal friend’ is an eternal question in itself. And the answer seems to be quite elusive. While the quest goes on and on, one thing that is certain is the need to work up your existing friendship. Who knows you might find your ‘eternal friend’ in your existing lot.

Love,

G